Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
