I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You took a bar mat shot.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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