just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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