Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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