Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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