her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
