this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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