Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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