you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
