Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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