Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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