Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
