Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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