So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
