oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
