shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Please don't give away my fajitas
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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