It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
