last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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