we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
