fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
