Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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