Me. At least after what I've been through.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
