after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
