My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
