where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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