I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
