Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
