Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
