I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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