Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
