There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
