Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
