So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
