It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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