she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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