Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
