so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
