Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
