I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
