Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
