I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
