I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
