Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
