I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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