I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
COCAINE IS GR8
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
