the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
