You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
