im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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