OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
