Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
