and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
