I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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