I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
